Presidential Politics and Couples Quarrels
When you hear a news clip of the Presidential candidates, mostly likely they are talking how the other guy has it wrong, did it wrong in the past, is being dishonest, doesn’t know what he is talking about or what the American people want, etc. Listening to a lot of that is draining and frustrating. Wouldn’t it be nice to hear a politician say “here are my steps to improving this issue”, “I respect what my rival has done in this area”, “I made the wrong decision” or “I would have done that differently now”.
Often couples find themselves making similar statements. Arguments are about proving the other person wrong, assaulting their character, questioning their motives, and getting your point across at any cost. It reminds me of a line from a country song “nobody wins, we both lose, we’ve both lost this fight before”. Couples don’t want to continue to argue like this and it is hard to pull yourself out of this pattern once it starts.
Just as it would be refreshing to hear Obama or Romney talk about their plan, their actions, their thought process and even their failures, a couple can make some crucial steps to restoring peace and connection by talking about themselves. Statements like “I hope we can improve…”, “I would like to try…,” “I feel better when….”, and “I should do better at…” are much more likely to get a positive response and make it easier for your partner to do the same in return.
Typically we argue so passionately because we have been hurt and our needs haven’t been met but to move forward together it takes finding a way to deal the hurt without injuring our loved one. Talking about yourself instead of what the other person hasn’t done is a good place to start.